Rank 1 - Viper Balls

Today I’m feeling productive. I mean I haven’t done anything yet, but I just feel like I am ready to do something, y’know? So when this guy pokes his head out of one of the research rooms I just happen to be kicking a rubber band ball up against and tells me to pop on down to the tech section to help pick up on the viper ball workload, I’m right there. I wander through the place where all of the eggheads are tinkering with stuff, hands in pockets and slouching, and meander vaguely towards the place we make our balls. Pokeballs just don’t send the right message when you’re in a criminal syndicate, y’know? These ones look fancy, painted black with our beautiful purple V slashed across the front. That stuff is stylish. As I get down into what looks like a glorified Junkjard this skinny little whelp pokes his head out of his work and turns to me –Thank goodness you’re here, we very much behind schedule- he’s got these huge goggles on his face to help him see, and they’re magnifying his face so he looks like a bug. I give a quick snigger –alright, boss- and start tinkering with some of the gear on the table in front of me. These Viper balls aren’t the hardest of things to put together, besides I’ve been doing this for a while now. So long as you don’t do something stupid like clamp your arm into the hinges, you’ll be fine. Not that I’d know anything about that.

So we’re working away for a good hour or so, in basic silence. By this point my mind needs a bit of a wander so I did around in the junkpile ‘till I find myself a radio. The signal is always awful in the headquarters, but I manage to get some muffled noise playing to keep me focused. Whimper-pants mcGoggleface is a jumpy bugger, and he’s just wrenching along looking panicked all the time. So now that the music is going I’m jiving, y’know? Dancing around getting into the buzz. I’m not sure Specksy appreciates my sick moves. –Specks, you’ve really gotta let loose. You’re depressing me.- he starts doing this really awkward wiggle which I burst out laughing at. He looks like some kind of malnourished sudowoodo. –Listen you’re boring me, so Koffing is gonna keep me company, right?- -Oh, I don’t think yy- whatever, I grab my very own personal viper ball and let Koffing out. –Koffing, make Viper balls!- I use my best commanding voice. Koffing is rubbish at making balls, he’s just floating around the place knocking stuff over that is making Specksy make these ridiculous squeaks. –You’re terrible. Look it’s like this- I’m being a good teacher but despite my efforts Koffing decides to be in one of his awkward moods. The dumb ball of gas floats over to be and bashes into my side knocking his Viper ball into the pile of completed balls.

-WHAT.DID.YOU.DO!?- I look to the pile of thousands of balls and back to Koffing and back to the balls. I swear he looks happy with himself.

-You twerp! You’ll have gone and lost your ball!- I slap my hand down on his top of the gormless gasbag and start digging through the completed balls, which are getting carted off by a conveyor belt of course. I do the sensible thing, therefore, and climb up onto the belt. –Oh I really don’t think you should- -Shut it Specksy, help me look!- six hours and one conveyor belt jam later I finally have Koffing back in his rightful ball. I think Specksy may have gotten into trouble for being so late on the quota. Maybe if he was super productive like me then he wouldn’t have ran into any troubles with the higher ups. Nerd.

Spoiler:

Right so maybe Specksy wasn’t the only one who was about to get clipped around the head by the higher ups. It turns out that whimpering buffoon decided to drop in my name as well. So as I’m chilling out in the common room, feeding some sticky stuff I found in the bin to Koffing, I’m rudely interrupted by an exec. Coming into the room holding a clipboard. –Motley- he says, looking around the place. -Hannibal Motley?- I look up and give my best “I didn’t do it” smile. –This way please- a bunch of smug faces look at me as I recall Koffing and trudge off with my tail between my legs. We grunts always know that when an exec. Takes time out of their day to come and collect a grunt it is never good news. He sits me down at a table and stood in the room are the monkey in the suit from yesterday, who has an egg on his forehead, and the skinny goggles bloke from this afternoon. The exec. Gives me a look. –So grunt this is how it is going to work.- a mop and bucket are thrust at me. –You’re going to clean every toilet from this end of the station to the other and we won’t tie bricks to your legs and drop you off the sixteenth story.- I nod along. I feel like a kid being told off at school. There’s no point in arguing, I know where I fit in this dynamic. So I pick up the mop and bucket and trudge out of the room. –This is your final warning Motley. Don’t screw up again.- that is like my eighth final warning. All you have to do is lay low for a while and do what you’re told. Nevertheless now was the time to behave myself, so I start mopping.

When you’re put on mopping duty the rest of the grunts just love to take a dig. They know you’ve gotten into trouble so you’re like a dog with no teeth. The Viper bathrooms aren’t a pretty sight. I think people just come in here to destroy the plumbing. There was this one clog, I tried everything. Plunger in, arms deep, kicking it, getting Koffing to chomp at it. I must have wrestled with this for a good hour, but y'know what? I won! Ha. Damn toilet doesn't get the best of Han. What a loser. It was easy really. I am the conqueror of plumbing. Lord of the loo. Master of cloggery. The plunger king. By this point Koffing is looking at me judgmentally so back in the ball he goes.

And this was the rest of my day, mopping and cleaning and not head butting any cheeky remarks. This big bruiser put me in a headlock at one point and I just had to lay there, limply. On the bright side the goon didn’t notice me swipe the spare change in his pockets afterwards. Was amusing seeing the blockhead punch at the vending machines a little later on then blame one of his minions for nicking his cash.  A full on brawl broke out. It was great.

Meanwhile there I am spraying disinfectant on the windows, where some inconsiderate schmuck has decided to get his tooth knocked out all over. Brawls are messy. The Viper Corridors have a great view of the sea, with their ceiling to floor windows, so as the sun set I knew I’d mopped up all the necessary filth so I headed off to find one of the higher ups so I could sign in. I mean everything was still a mess; it was just not my problem anymore. There was some conference being called so I put the cleaning stuff away and slouched off back to my room. What a crappy day.

MISSION COMPLETE
reward: 10 (stolen) pokecoins